I smile thinking about your spunk and carefree attitude. I can still see you running around the farm, boots up to your knees, and a hen under each arm.

I’m also pained knowing that being a 13 year old girl is tough. I hate to see the frustration and insecurity that you experience because of your stuttering and the challenge of being the new girl at school. I know you’re frustrated with the learning challenges you’ve been having too. I console myself with the fact that these challenges are helping develop tenacity and toughness that will help carry you far in life.

I feel gratitude just knowing I get to be your dad. I feel love. I feel proud.

You’re fearless. You’ve always been that wild girl with unkempt hair diving on top of a soccer ball while feet and dirt are flying all around you. You’ve taken a knee to the stomach and a foot to the face and still charge forward with fearlessness.

You’ve experienced rejection from friends yet still keep loving them and opening yourself up to more hurt. Most people would retaliate or pull back, but you’re not most people. That selfless love will be the rock of your marriage and family one day.

My most treasured memory is you staying with me at work helping me care for Covid patients. Your presence breathed life into my sick and tired body. I shed quite a few tears that week before you came with me. I felt weak and alone without you. You helped me make it through that difficult time. Your big heart is such a blessing.

I laugh to myself thinking about the prayer groups at the retreat. The kind things your group spoke about you were all about me. “God, thank you that Addy has such a great Dad.” I’m sure that not what you wanted to hear. You see me when I’m tired. You see me when I’m angry. You experience the discipline, boundaries, and also the reality of who I am. You see my reaction when you leave your trash in my car, your dishes on the table, and fail to do your homework.

One day you’ll be known for much more than just being my daughter. But the truth is you’ll never fully escape that fact. So this means a few things…

It means I will always love you so incredibly much. It means I’m so proud of you. It means I’ve made sacrifices for you, some of which you have no idea about. It means I’ve read books about how to be a better dad to you and tried practicing those things. It means I’ve reached out to other dads asking for guidance and mentoring on how to better love and raise you. It means I’ve spent many hours praying for you. It means I grieve when you’re hurting. It means I’ve wept tears for you when you’re going through hardship. It means I relish in seeing you succeed. It means I’m thinking of you and talking about you in the middle of busy and hectic days.

I know our journey together will have more ups and downs. Just know I’m happy to be on this journey helping you grow into the woman you were born to be.

I love you, baby girl. I always will.